Every now and then I scroll the pages of Craigslist for future opportunities... because you never know where the next great thing is going to come from. Although I will be the first one to admit, it's really a waste of time. Most of the design job postings come from Creative Circle which is one of several temp agencies that request you to come in, spend hours jumping through hoops to prove your worth, and then proceed to NEVER GET YOU ANY WORK EVER. Temp agencies have their five design guys they give everything, and the rest of us just waste time filling in their new recruit quota. But every now and then I run across an ad that I simply cannot pass up. Especially those looking for "rock star" designers with questions for you to fill out. Like a sailor drawn to a lovely siren... I can't help myself. I have to fill out those questions! Of course I haven't heard back from them so I'll just go ahead and post my answers here. I used to play these things straight but since that never seems to do anything either...
At least I'm quite busy so looking for new clients isn't a priority... but I'll always bring in someone new, especially if we're a good match.
MY ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS THE INTERNET SUMMONED ME TO DO
1. You are given a logo in an Illustrator file but it turns out it is just a jpeg landed on the art board. What now?
First, I allow three seconds for a barrage of non-stop cursing in my head. "Really" I say to myself. Then for a brief glimpse I admire the small amount of effort it took to place a JPEG in Illustrator and wonder... "Did they really think this is okay? Someone actually thought this was the right thing to do and took a small amount of joy in creating this file for me?" Then I go ahead use Live Trace, Live Paint, or just outline the thing myself. I can usually whip one out in a few minutes, me and my pen tool. If the logo has a level of complexity like a Jackson Pollock, I'll just call the client and see if they have a better file available, spelling it out so they understand exactly what it is I am looking for.
2. Explain the difference between paragraph and character styles in InDesign.
I could copy and paste some text I scooped up from wikipedia but why insult your intelligence? Bottom line, they make your life a hell of a lot easier.
3. Briefly describe for what purpose you use each of the following: InDesign, Photoshop, Illustrator, Word.
INDESIGN - Lay stuff out in. To put "designs in."
PHOTOSHOP- For the manipulation of pixel like imagery, photos and works of art. Lots of brushes and fun stuff.
ILLUSTRATOR - Like photoshop, but for logos, line art, and vector graphics only.
WORD- When I think of "Word" I first think of Lethal Weapon 3 in which Roger Murtaugh (played by the enchanting Danny Glover) tries desperately to relate to his son using early 90s Los Angeles slang. The delightful exchange "Word Riggs!" followed by Mel Gibson's reply "Word Roger!" makes me smile each time they play that movie on TNT. But I think you're referring to Microsoft Word, which is something I avoid like the plague. Sometimes clients will say "Why don't we design this in Microsoft Word and send it to you?" In which case I find the box Microsoft Word comes in is soft enough to be used as a projectile, stunning the person without doing any real damage and thus avoiding a lawsuit. "Bonk!" is the sound the box makes as it hit them in the head, and it's far easier than explaining why InDesign or even Quark is so much better to use, especially in the printing end of things.
4. Describe your design process in one sentence.
I'll do it in one word... exhilarating.
5. What is the purpose of a pencil?
Stabbing weapon mostly, when the soft aerodynamics of the Microsoft Word box simply won't do the job. I highly suggest having an automatic pencil sharpener ready because... it can be a real life saver. When not used as a defense tool, a pencil can be used to draw out your ideas, because that is CRITICAL in our line of work. I've seen a lot of designers with $60,000 a year salary and cushy corner offices that can't draw.... and quite frankly, have no clue how they got their job, because they suck. Unless of course the person with no drawing skills whatsoever is extremely attractive and then I know EXACTLY how they got their job.
6. Finish this sentence: Papyrus is ... a thick paper-like material produced from the pith of the papyrus plant originally created in Ancient Egypt. Developed by Adobe Systems as an upgrade from their successful Adobe Chisel and Rocks Set 3.0 which had a notoriously clunky-to-use interface.
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So my question for you is... would a "rock star" actually answer all of these questions? I'm thinking a rock star would give you the finger or the "backwards peace sign" (aka bowfingers) if they happen to be British. Rock stars also never show up to work on time. And when deadlines are pressing and your "rock star" designer sits there downing a bottle of champagne with two hookers... could be trouble, that's all I'm saying.
So there you have it. And the one thing I did notice is... this is a $20 an hour gig and these questions almost borderline on fundamentals. Are the designers really that friggin' dumb around here? Do they just smoke opium bongs all day? Maybe it's because I'm originally from Chicago and have work-ethic drilled into my senses but wow, I find myself apologizing once again for the giant pile of weirdos that call themselves graphic designers and make our lives so much more difficult. Of course, in NOT being that way there's a real opportunity for growth, isn't there? I get so many clients from that critical "2nd time around" recovering from an abusive bad graphic designer working relationship. "it's okay," I tell them calmly while hugging them tightly, fighting back the tears.... "It will be okay."
And I WONDER why they don't call back. Can you blame them?
